It all starts
with cup of tea promises,
watered down lies
and coffee depression
When we've taken our breath,
inhaled the aroma of the mug
and accepted what we find,
we drink--
to our own distaste,
our own dissatisfaction
Yet between bitter sips
warmed chest;
clutched hands,
we sit in comfort of the liquid--
as if the elixir of life itself
snuck into the drink
Despite broken cups,
with cracks and chips,
we grip onto the tea dependently,
take comfort
and smile
©2007-2009 `Beccalicious
Details
Submitted: October 12, 2007
File Size: 686 bytes
Image Size: 67.8 KB
Resolution: 384×339
Comments: 122
Favourites & Collections: 86 [who?]
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Total: 1,740
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Submitted: October 12, 2007
File Size: 686 bytes
Image Size: 67.8 KB
Resolution: 384×339
Comments: 122
Favourites & Collections: 86 [who?]
Views
Total: 1,740
Today: 0
Downloads
Total: 32
Today: 0
Thumb
Author's Comments
Update 17/04/09
It is really strange when you wake up one morning and feel the need to look at an old piece and decide it needs dusting off.
I never really edited this from the first submission, so it is nice that over a year later I have felt for it again. This is one of my favourite poems I have written, and it also got published in ReadThis Magazine this time last year.
There is always room for minor tweaks though, so feel free to abuse. My main weakness in poetry is grammar, so any help on that is very much appreciated.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Written about 2 weeks ago about feeling unemployed and the idea how people will always offer you a cup of tea when you're feeling down as if it is going to content you.
It is really strange when you wake up one morning and feel the need to look at an old piece and decide it needs dusting off.
I never really edited this from the first submission, so it is nice that over a year later I have felt for it again. This is one of my favourite poems I have written, and it also got published in ReadThis Magazine this time last year.
There is always room for minor tweaks though, so feel free to abuse. My main weakness in poetry is grammar, so any help on that is very much appreciated.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Written about 2 weeks ago about feeling unemployed and the idea how people will always offer you a cup of tea when you're feeling down as if it is going to content you.
Devious Comments
Commentsbut it does make you feel a little bit better
 liked the use of the colour matephors - "And coffee depression" especially x -- You Oxymoron At first I felt an incredible sense of deja vu, the I remembered why.
Check out this poem: [link] Great minds do think a like, I guess.  -- “Now me lay down to sleep. Mow da zeebas down like sheep. Give dem to me nice and dead. Me no happy ‘til me fed.” -Bedtime prayer of crocs, Pearls Before Swine It has similar themes, that doesn't surprise me because tea is a common thing people are given in need of comfort. But I don't think it's deja vu- I've never seen that poem before.
-- =DailyDeviants *WordCount ~Writers-Workshop Be enchanted by Literature... Bring back the fantasy! Wonderful job!
I think you've done a wonderful job expressing how something as simple as a cup of tea can really offer a small comfort. No, it doesn't make everything better. But as you so eloquently expressed, it is something to find some comfort in. -- Avatar by ~BlackRose3721 Love it! Keep it up!
(I am also from UK) Nah, it's not an accusation, more of a humorous realization on my part.
I enjoyed both pieces very much. -- “Now me lay down to sleep. Mow da zeebas down like sheep. Give dem to me nice and dead. Me no happy ‘til me fed.” -Bedtime prayer of crocs, Pearls Before Swine It really paints a picture. I enjoyed this poem alot.
We drink-- To our own distaste Our own dissatisfaction. My favourite lines. Really powerfull. -- Cheflin. its an amazing piece...
I love this. I love how you used comparisons to beverages and such so effectively. Awesome! I can't even critique it. Because I can't think of anything to critique. (it drives me nuts when I request advanced critique and don't get any). FAVE!
-- [link] <-- If you like to read. My pally Amy. [link] <--- If you like pencil artisits. My pally Megan.  It's the little things that we couldn't do without, they'd shake us if we didn't have them.
What a nice sentiment, carefully observed, beautifully crafted and eloquently set out for the reader. The poem's sense of pace, progression and control through punctuation is matched only by its articulation of ideas. Nicely done, I quite feel like a cup of tea -- 'Journalism is just a Gun. It's only got one bullet in it, but if you aim it right it's all you need. Aim it right and you can blow a kneecap off the World.' |
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Critiques
It also seems like a couple of commas are missing. I think you need one at the end of, 'Yet between bitter sips'. I'm also a bit confused by the line 'we grip into the tea dependent'. Without a comma after 'tea', it's like your talking about a tea dependent like an insulin dependent, but I'm not sure you meant it quite like that! In the same stanza, I also think the comma would sit better at the end of the second line rather than the first.
That's about all. You can always spot a couple more little things, but if you just think about those bits I mentioned I think you can improve it plenty.
The imagery is good. It might be cool to slip in a few more references to drug addiction to add to the overall effect, but as it is, it works really well.
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